Is it really that important?

Faith plays a major role in a relationship, and more so, when one or both partners belong to the Jewish faith. Just like other major world religions, the Judaism faith has a set of strict religious tenets governing dating and marital relationship that may or may not be fully understood by all Jewish singles and Jewish dating couples.

By and large, dating or marital relationships between Jewish singles are rather smoother when both partners have some knowledge about the role that faith plays in their relationship. However, a non-Jewish dating partner may find faith and other Jewish religious customs and traditions concerning such relationships rather confusing, if not intimidating. This is one reason why senior Jewish clerics and orthodoxy frown upon interfaith marriages involving Jews and non-Jews.

For Jewish and interfaith couples to understand the role that faith plays in a relationship, it is important for them to first learn about some basic Jewish religious laws that apply to dating and marital relationships between mature Jewish adults.

Physical contact

Practicing Jewish singles, and non-Jews in a dating or romantic relationship with a Jew, must know that Jewish law forbids physical contact i.e. “touching” (referred to as “negiah” in Hebrew) between a man and a woman before marriage. Some social practices prohibited by Jewish law, and which may appear alien to some, include goodnight kissing, social dancing, and even holding hands.

Jewish law goes on to specify that a woman is “untouchable” insofar as any form of physical contact or relations with men, as soon as she begins menstruating, and until marriage. Intimacy and other physical relations are only permitted with a partner following marriage.

Marriageable age

Although the minimum marriageable age specified by Jewish law is 12 years for girls and 13 for boys, the Talmud advises men to marry between the ages of 18 and 24 years.

The Kiddushin

This can be translated as a ‘betrothal’ ceremony, or what most people consider today as an ‘engagement’. The Kiddushin is part of a 2-stage marital process between Jewish singles that takes place prior to marriage. During this process, the woman accepts money (usually in the form of a wedding ring); the pre-nuptial contract (Ketubah); or sexual relations – the 3 conditions that govern the “acquiring” of a woman in marriage.

The Nisuin

This is the final stage of the marital process and takes effect as soon as the wife is brought home by the husband to start their marital life together.

In early times, approximately a year separated the Kiddushin and Nisuin ceremonies. However, in view of some potential risks owing to separation over a long period of time, e.g. a change of mind by either partner, both ceremonies are now performed together.

Faith has, and always will play a major role in Jewish dating and pre-marital relationships. After all, if it has survived for over 3,500 years, all devout and committed Jews can rest assured that it will continue to enrich their lives and relationships for eons to come.