Is it really that important?

Faith plays a major role in a relationship, and more so, when one or both partners belong to the Jewish faith. Just like other major world religions, the Judaism faith has a set of strict religious tenets governing dating and marital relationship that may or may not be fully understood by all Jewish singles and Jewish dating couples.

By and large, dating or marital relationships between Jewish singles are rather smoother when both partners have some knowledge about the role that faith plays in their relationship. However, a non-Jewish dating partner may find faith and other Jewish religious customs and traditions concerning such relationships rather confusing, if not intimidating. This is one reason why senior Jewish clerics and orthodoxy frown upon interfaith marriages involving Jews and non-Jews.

For Jewish and interfaith couples to understand the role that faith plays in a relationship, it is important for them to first learn about some basic Jewish religious laws that apply to dating and marital relationships between mature Jewish adults.

Physical contact

Practicing Jewish singles, and non-Jews in a dating or romantic relationship with a Jew, must know that Jewish law forbids physical contact i.e. “touching” (referred to as “negiah” in Hebrew) between a man and a woman before marriage. Some social practices prohibited by Jewish law, and which may appear alien to some, include goodnight kissing, social dancing, and even holding hands.

Jewish law goes on to specify that a woman is “untouchable” insofar as any form of physical contact or relations with men, as soon as she begins menstruating, and until marriage. Intimacy and other physical relations are only permitted with a partner following marriage.

Marriageable age

Although the minimum marriageable age specified by Jewish law is 12 years for girls and 13 for boys, the Talmud advises men to marry between the ages of 18 and 24 years.

The Kiddushin

This can be translated as a ‘betrothal’ ceremony, or what most people consider today as an ‘engagement’. The Kiddushin is part of a 2-stage marital process between Jewish singles that takes place prior to marriage. During this process, the woman accepts money (usually in the form of a wedding ring); the pre-nuptial contract (Ketubah); or sexual relations – the 3 conditions that govern the “acquiring” of a woman in marriage.

The Nisuin

This is the final stage of the marital process and takes effect as soon as the wife is brought home by the husband to start their marital life together.

In early times, approximately a year separated the Kiddushin and Nisuin ceremonies. However, in view of some potential risks owing to separation over a long period of time, e.g. a change of mind by either partner, both ceremonies are now performed together.

Faith has, and always will play a major role in Jewish dating and pre-marital relationships. After all, if it has survived for over 3,500 years, all devout and committed Jews can rest assured that it will continue to enrich their lives and relationships for eons to come.

In Yiddish, the word “Bashert” means ‘perfect match’, but is commonly referred to as one’s ‘soul mate’. However, being a microscopic community when compared to the populations of other major faiths, finding a Bashert, especially among the Jewish Diaspora, can be rather difficult.

While Jewish singles living in close-knit communities of large cities and urban areas do not face dating problems, rural Jewish communities with little or no access to synagogues or other Jews, usually do. This is precisely where online Jewish dating services can be one, if not the only, way for Jewish singles to meet and interact with other Jews.

Parental influence and faith

As an integral part of their upbringing, most Jewish children, particularly those of orthodox Jews, are ingrained with the importance of choosing dating and marital partners within their faith by their parents. The objective is to make their children realize the sacred responsibility of being practicing Jews, and the importance of marrying a person who shares the Judaism faith, in order to ensure that it (Judaism) is passed on to the next generation.

Drawbacks of matchmaking

Jewish dating problems are compounded by the fact that outside Israel, the Jewish Diaspora is microscopic in size resulting in extremely limited opportunities for Jewish singles to meet other members of the faith. In view of this, Jewish singles have either relied on Jewish personals in newspaper columns to find dating/marital partners, or the matchmaking efforts exerted by the local rabbi, family members, relatives, and close friends. However, the main drawback of matchmaking is the extremely small number of prospective dating or marital partners that can be contacted. Moreover, those available may not practice the same form of Judaism as you do.

The benefits of online dating

As opposed to matchmaking, online Jewish dating services have global reach and presence, and can connect you to thousands of prospective Jewish dating/marital partners. Today, Jewish singles have the luxury of selecting from numerous online Jewish dating services, the largest ones being in the United States. Membership runs into the millions, so there are far better chances of finding your life partner rather than relying on matchmaking or insignificant, Jewish personals inserted in newspapers. The process is simple. You simply sign up; post a personal profile with specific information about you; not forgetting to upload your recent picture. Then sit back and take a closer look at other members’ profiles and contact the ones that seem attractive to you. Who knows, while you wait, other members will be viewing your information … and your Jewish love (Bashert) could be just a click away.

What’s more, most online Jewish dating sites have chat boards via which you can interact with a large number of Jewish singles in a friendly and informal manner. If you’re in luck’s way, chances are, you may even meet your soul mate.

One thing’s for sure, by availing an online Jewish dating service, you won’t need to sing out loud – “Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match” … remember that catchy song in the famous hit film Fiddler on the roof?

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